Ok, please excuse me. I know this is a complete piece of crap, but I got bored so I didn't do a good job.

ON THE OTHER HAND... the previous story is tons better and actually funny. (where as this one is a sad sad pathetic attempt). So make sure to check that one out please.

Our great leader, King Invisible Don, may he live forever (or at least for as long as he so desires) had had a particularly tiring day away from the castle. It was cattle inspection season. So, he had been rushed here and there faster than a speeding bullet. It didn’t help matters that he was deathly allergic to animals and had forgotten to take his antihistamines that day. On the way, we had tried to pick some up at the local drug store, but found we were a few centuries too early, hence all the sneezing. I’m sure, if you’ve ever been plagued by sneezes, you’re aware of how much strength they sneeze out of you.

So, this was the reason he decided, when he returned home, that it was time for a little vacation to his special place for a relaxing walk and a little camping. This time though, it would be without the royal children, the dynamic duo: Prince Stunt Boy and Princess Doodle. It was always fun to take them along, but definitely not relaxing.

As always, he was accompanied by his body guards (which can’t be seen, of course). And that day, I was one of those chosen to be a part of this accompaniment which was larger than usual. Because of the recent attempted assassination by the evil forces called the CPGs, it was decided that perhaps he should have some extras hands around for a while wherever he went.

Then we were off. It was a beautiful evening as we set out, and the blue birds were singing. Our horses were happily prancing along. Well, their horses that is. I flew above, taking great pride in the fact that I was the commander of the entire aerial unit (which included me, myself, and I). We traveled for a couple of hours till we arrived at the King’s favorite hideout where he likes to… Um, well, never you mind what he does there. I’m forbidden to tell anyone. But anyway, we arrived there with no trouble.

For safety reasons, it was my job to keep watch while they set up camp, keep an eye on them that is. (Those army boys couldn’t set up camp without mishaps to save their lives). Luckily though, nothing too disastrous happened at this time either. So, we ate dinner, and then slept.

Yep, everything was going smoothly, just as we had planned… that is, until the next day. And even then, it wasn’t at first apparent that this day would go any differently than the last. To us, it seemed like it would be the same ole, same old… rescuing damsel hermits in distress (which can be quite rewarding, if know what I mean *wink, wink*), fishing to the heart’s content, and simply gazing upon nature’s undisturbed actions (although watching that lioness tear apart deer flesh was rather disturbing to some in our group. Of course, I found it just made me hungry). Yes, the start of the day gave off the false assurance that it would be nothing but perfect.

And so, we set off again.

We weren’t really searching for anything, but you know how it is on hikes. That is something which drifts around in the shadows of the mind: the need to find something to explore. It was probably this instinct which led us to the cave a few hours later.

Well, it wasn’t a cave really, I realized as I flew over the top. The cave was actually just like a big ornate entrance to a maze. I was mesmerized by what I saw within and thought to warn the others. But of course, you know how it is in movies, once you find out some pertinent information for the safety of your companions; you always get there too late to warn anyone. Such was the cases here. The only difference was that this was not a movie, and I was definitely not getting paid the big bucks.

Quickly, as fast as a large dragon, such as myself, is able to fly, I flew back to the entrance, but I had to keep my cool as I saw the last of them disappear through the entrance. It was actually too small for me to fly or waddle through, so I took to the air again, flying over the top. I thought perhaps that I could fly down into the maze or at least fly ahead and protect them.

After clearing the entrance, I tired to fly down into the maze, but each time, I was stopped by an invisible force (which makes sense; some of the things I saw in there were not something I would want to be running about unattended). Because of this, there were times when I could only watch in horror as King Invisible Don and the rest of the Invisible Army stumbled on in the direction of their apparent doom.

Since, I understand some of you readers are tender souls; I will spare you the most gruesome details, but some things warrant telling.

One of those heart stopping times was when King Don was being chased by a big man-squishing boulder. (This was after all the rest of the army had been swallowed up one way or another by something in the maze). It was coming toward him, closer and closer and closer… but before him lay a big burning pile of pit. If he didn’t jump over it, then of course, he would be Squished Don, instead of Invisible Don, but, if he didn’t make it over the burning pit, then he would be Barbequed Don. Since he didn’t want a name change, he attempted to jump over the pit… and thankfully, he successfully landed. All the while, this annoying chant was playing, like the music they have on scary movies:

Don be nimble, Don be quick
Don jump over the burning pit
Or Don’s gonna burn like a stick

Not only that, but as soon as he’d landed on the other side of the pit, this Evil Kong Dust Bunny started chasing him. (As men always do for some strange reason) When he was running, he was looking behind him, so he didn’t see what was in front. Thus it was that he ran into one of the cannibal bushes like the ones that had eaten our companions, and the bush was no more inclined to let him go then it had the others. It seemed that the bush would claim yet another life. Thankfully though, King Don had his trusty Excalibur with him, so hack, hack, hack, and the bush took it all back, letting go real fast. It decided it didn’t like the excessive pruning, especially out of season.

Every one of those episodes made me hold my breath, and a couple of times, I almost fall out of the sky for lack of oxygen, but they were nothing compared to his next encounter. This next one was truly the most horrific encounter… the most anguishing moment of horror yet, having to face… the Evil Nymph Ladies.

Each carried a chain whip and wore shredded leather, which really didn’t cover much (first ever recorded Goths). They had curvaceous bodies and a gracefully lascivious air when they moved. Their skin was a pale translucent color, but everything else about them was dark and black, even down to the dark circles under their eyes. I had to turn my head away in shudders.

Our poor helpless leader was ambling on unsuspecting of the horror that lay ahead of him around the bend, still just trying to catch his breath from the last episode. I saw the whole thing, so I know what must have been going through his head when he first spotted him. The poor dear cried out. I’m sure that it was just a cry for deliverance, which I would have gladly given if I could have.

He didn’t struggle when they tied him up, nor did he try to stop them when they did all sorts of torture on him. That was probably because of the shock of the experience, I’m sure. Eventually, I did hear some moaning and screaming, but I’m not sure that it was him. He was out of sight for a while, so I don’t know what was going on, but I smiled smugly, knowing that Excalibur was giving it to them good.

When I spotted him next, the poor guy was all banged up, but alive.

It was getting dark, and I was certainly tired. I knew King Don must be as well, but I didn’t know how he’d pull it off. Nor did I know how I was going to keep an eye on him all night, since I can’t fly and sleep at the same time (although that would be nice). Being keen as I am, I realized a few things that helped with this problem now that my attention wasn’t so taken up with worry.

One, even if solid objects (I’d tried sending other things through the barrier) couldn’t go through the thick invisible film, sound could. After all, I’d been able to hear the King cry out. The barrier not only let sound through, it was rather comfortable. I found if I lay still on it, then I didn’t become entangled and could take off when I wished. The first test, If it proved successful, would make an easier time of getting him out of the maze and back to all his adoring fans.

So, I called to him, and he looked up. My heart leapt with joy.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE!!!”

“I, um, well you see, I can’t get in….”

“NONONONO… I mean why are you still here? Why haven’t you gone home and gathered the reporters. This could be a real attention getter.”

“Well, you see, your majesty, I was concerned…..”

“I’m surprised at you… I’d think you’d know your own leader well enough by now… do you really think that there is reason to be concerned for my life? Now, if no one was able to see this place and how I faired, and I didn’t receive a lot of attention for it… Now there is something to be concerned about. So, off with you. Be gone. Don’t come back until all the whole kingdom knows. In the mean time, I’ll wait here. Don’t want anyone to miss any more of the good parts.”

With that, he proceeded to sit down right where he was. I was dumb-founded. Not surprised, just dumb founded.

“Yes sir, but what if something happens to you while I’m away? I could never forgive myself if because I wasn’t doing my duty, you got hurt… or worse... killed! I know you like attention, but I should think you wouldn’t want that kind of attention. Besides, it would take too long to fly back and bring everyone. In the morning, I’ll fly up high and get a bearing on the maze. Once I know the way out, I’ll help lead you out.”

Like a good king always listens to the advice of his people, so King Don listened to my advice.

Since it was rather dark now, I said I’d keep watch while he slept. We had come upon a pool of water, and with no limited amount of qualms, tested it to see if it was drinkable. Luckily, it was, or so it seemed for the moment. I noticed that King Don went to sleep mighty fast, but I attributed that to a hard day of stress on top of all the sleep he’d already lost doing inspections.

Laying down, it was easier to keep an eye on him, and didn’t make me feel so tired. Besides, the invisible barrier also had a light current running through it that was enough to be uncomfortable, but not unbearable. I kept watch and was thankful nothing happened. After all, what could I do? He was down there, and I was up here. We could only hope that I could wake him in time for Excalibur to do its job. I did my best to keep my eyes open, but soon, I fell asleep as well.

It was getting to be dawn when I was startled awake. My keen hearing had once again come in handy. Below me, the hugest and ugliest spider I’d ever seen was making its way over to King Don. I immediately called to him. He was eating something, and looked up.

I remembered seeing funny shadows and what I thought were ghosts. King Don had checked them out and found them to be some sort of spun silk thread, in large quantities, but we thought nothing of it at the time. Now, I wished we’d paid more attention to it.

At the sight of the spider, King Don jumped up and ran… unfortunately, the spider could run faster, having eight legs and all, so it caught up easily.

Little King Don
Sat next to a pond,
Eating of curds and whey;

There came a spider,
And when he did spy her,
It frightened King Don away

It got a hold of him just when he’d started to crawl through a little hole in the bushes. The bushes were pulling at him, and he was hacking at it and the spider, trying his hardest to get through, and, like in all good movies, he made it in the nick of time.

With my guidance, King Don progressed through the maze with a lot less unwanted interaction with the inhabitance. Eventually he made it out, and we set out for home. I would have given him a ride home, but King Don is deathly afraid of heights, but that’s his loss. Luckily, the horses had been tethered outside the cave, so he didn’t have to walk all the way home.

So King Invisible Don arrived home, safe and none the worse for wear, but not the least bit rested. Better luck next time, I suppose.

Pieces scattered to the darkness

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